Level 2 Lesson 12 GOD'S KIND OF LOVE I

Level: 2, Lesson: 12
GOD'S KIND OF LOVE I
OUTLINE

Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

I Corinthians 6:15-16, "Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh." Marriage is more than a joining, it is a uniting together by covenant. Covenant is a binding, a final commitment, forsaking all others for one. One in union.

Ezekiel 16:8, "Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine." We see the covenant of marriage.

Ephesians 5:21-31, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." Marriage is a covenant of love. Love is the ruling principle of marriage.

I Peter 3:7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." Marriage is a covenant of oneness.

Proverbs 2:16-17, "To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; 17Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God." Beware of the wayward woman. Your covenant with God is broken if you lie with another woman. A covenant is between a man, woman and their God.

Matthew 7:12, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets." The priority of marriage is focusing on one another to the exclusion of others.

I Corinthians 13:4, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up." Loving is the ruling force in marriage by seeking the welfare of the other person.

Marriage is a small scale model of our eternal relationship with God.

Isaiah 53:6, "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all." Marital love seeks to benefit the other.

Ephesians 5:21-31: "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." Cherish, love, appreciate, protect, feed, look out for, and never take advantage of your spouse.

Summary

Thank God for loving you.
Thank God for your mate.
Your words will bring your mate to the level of the words you use; speak good words over your mate.
Love is seeking the welfare of the other.
By little acts of kindness you layer love on your spouse, like layers of lacquer on wood.

MARRIAGE II
Lesson Text

Marriage in scripture means a joining, a oneness, a uniting, "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:5). "The two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31). "The two shall cleave and become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). What does the word "cleave" mean? In Hebrew it means "to stick to; to adhere to." It also means "to pursue."

The command was given to man to pursue, cleave and stick to the woman like glue. Why? Because man is the lover in this relationship and woman is the responder. The woman will respond to the way the man loves her. Submission is not blind obedience. Submission is won through the love of the man, just as Jesus became the head of the church and gave Himself for the church, and won the right to have our submission.

If I love my wife, I’ll give her tokens of my affection and love. They may be gifts or flowers, or ways of meeting her needs by giving her spending money, providing for her, giving her the security of a home, or expressions of affection that are not necessarily of a sexual nature. Women just need affection. When I do that for my wife, she doesn’t get upset with me and say, "I want a divorce." You know why? My wife doesn’t want a divorce when I provide for her, give her security and affection, verbally express my love for her and do other things. She wants to respond in kind to those acts of love. God made her as a woman to be a responder. God says that this kind of relationship where one responds to acts of love is just a model of His real, eternal relationship with us as responders!

Do you know what I think eternity will be? Eternity will be an endless unfolding of divine love. I believe that the relationship I have right now with the Lord is truly an engagement relationship. In the New Testament, when Mary and Joseph were espoused, it meant that in the eyes of the law they were married, even though it was not consummated. The engagement period was called marriage, and it took a divorce even to break an engagement. Paul said to the church, "I want to present you as a pure virgin unto Christ, wholly and exclusively unto Him." (II Corinthians 11:2) This marriage relationship is going to be consummated at the marriage supper of the Lamb. I believe that all throughout eternity there’s going to be an unfolding of love. God designed a little, physical model on earth, with the man as the lover and the woman as the responder. And just as she’ll respond back with love if she’s given love, God has said, "I want you to know that you loved Me because I first loved you" (I John 4:19). The Bible doesn’t say that we just started loving God on our own. The Bible says that we love Him because He first loved us. In Ezekiel 16:8 God says, "Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine." He gave us a picture of marriage in this verse, but He likened it to bringing us into a relationship with Him.

So this is the first principle in marriage: anywhere in scripture that it talks about marriage, it’s talking about joining together as one.

Marriage is more than just a joining together, because this joining together involves a covenant. Sexual intercourse is not marriage. Sexual intercourse is a consummation of marriage, and marriage is a joining together and becoming one in the fullest possible way, but it’s only done in covenant. The Hebrew word for this covenant is BERIYTH (ber-eeth) and it’s the most binding contract that is possible. It’s even used with the shedding of blood or cutting an animal into pieces. It involves blood. It involves the two becoming one. The closest concept we have is two becoming blood brothers and marriage is it. It’s becoming one under a covenant and a vow. It’s the vow and the covenant that keep me moving in the area of love toward my wife.

MARRIAGE II
CHANGED NAMES
(Additional Information)

Did you know that in a true marriage relationship the names are changed? My wife, Wendy, used to be Wendy Sellon and now she is Wendy Krow. She used to have her own bank account and now she has mine. I go to work and when I get my paycheck, I don’t know where it goes because it goes into her hands. God has said that the women are to guide the house. Wendy’s ability to function in guiding the house, buying the groceries, driving the car and putting gas in it, really comes through my ability. She’s doing what God has called her to do through my resources and strength when she signs my name on those checks because we’re no longer two, we’re one.

We’re no longer separate entities going separate ways, but we are one and the expression of our oneness is found in our children. Our son has some of me in him, but he also has some of her. He looks like me, and he looks like her. He has my qualities in him, but he also has her qualities. We’ve born fruit from our union of oneness.

What does the Bible say in Romans 7:4? It says that we’re dead to the law. We’re married to a new husband, Jesus Christ Himself, that we should bear fruit unto God. There’s going to be an expression of bearing fruit unto God. There’s going to be an expression of Christ on this earth. But it’s not me alone, and it’s not Jesus Christ by Himself in spirit form walking upon the earth. He uses me as a vessel and we’re in union together. The Bible says we are co-laborers together with Him (I Corinthians 3:9). We’re bearing fruit unto God and it’s an expression of something that’s sweet and something that’s pleasing in the Father’s eyes. I’m married to another so I should bring forth fruit unto God. Under the law I had no ability to bring forth fruit. I was impotent, so to speak, under the law because my strength was limited by my own ability to do things.

Do you know what the real root of sin is? It’s independence. It’s being self-sufficient. It’s self. The original temptation in Genesis was not to be like the devil, it was to be like God. The temptation was to eat of the tree and be like God. Didn’t God tell us to be like Him? The trouble is, God doesn’t want us to be like Him independently of Him. I’m in a marriage relationship, and the only way that I can be like Him is by being joined in this union of divine oneness. Now I’ve taken on His name, "Christian." I’ve become one in spirit, according to I Corinthians 6:17. "But he that is joined unto the Lord is [not become one in flesh, but] one spirit" My spirit and God’s spirit have been united into one through Jesus Christ. The fruit I bear has to be produced through His strength and ability.

First Ruling Principle in Marriage: Joining

There are two ruling principles in this marriage relationship between Christ and me. These same principles exist in my physical marriage on this earth as well. The first principle is that marriage in scripture means a joining, a oneness, a uniting: "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:6). "The two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31). "The two shall cleave and become one flesh" (Matthew 19:5). What does the word "cleave" mean? In Hebrew it means "to stick to; to adhere to." It also means "to pursue."

The command was given to the man to pursue, cleave and stick to the woman like glue. Why? Because man is the lover in this relationship and woman is the responder. The woman will respond to the way the man loves. Submission is not blind obedience. Submission is won through the love of the man, just as Jesus became the head of the church and gave Himself for the church, and won the right to have our submission.

If I love my wife, I’ll give her tokens of my affection and love. They may be gifts or flowers, or ways of meeting her needs by giving her spending money, providing for her, giving her the security of a home, or expressions of affection that are not necessarily of a sexual nature. Women just need affection. When I do that for my wife, she doesn’t get upset with me and say, "I want a divorce." You know why? My wife doesn’t want a divorce when I provide for her, give her security and affection, verbally express my love for her and do these other things. She wants to respond in kind to those acts of love. God made her as a woman to be a responder. God says that this kind of relationship where one responds to acts of love is just a model of His real, eternal relationship with us as responders!

Do you know what I think eternity will be? Eternity will be an endless unfolding of divine love. I believe that the relationship I have right now with the Lord is truly an engagement relationship. In the New Testament, when Mary and Joseph were espoused, it meant that in the eyes of the law they were married, even though it was not consummated. The engagement period was called marriage, and it took a divorce even to break an engagement. Paul said to the church "I want to present you as a pure virgin unto Christ (II Corinthians 11:2), wholly and exclusively unto Him." This marriage relationship is going to be consummated at the marriage supper of the Lamb. I believe that all throughout eternity there’s going to be an unfolding of love. God designed a little, physical scale model on earth with the man as the lover and the woman as the responder. And just as she’ll respond back with love if she’s given love, God has said, "I want you to know that you loved Me because I first loved you" (I John 4:19). The Bible doesn’t say that we just started loving God on our own. The Bible says that we love Him because He first loved us. In Ezekiel 16:8 God says, "Now when I passed by thee, and looked upon thee, behold, thy time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over thee, and covered thy nakedness: yea, I sware unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, saith the Lord GOD, and thou becamest mine." He gave us a picture of marriage in this verse, but He likened it to bringing us into a relationship with Him.

So this is the first principle in marriage: anywhere in scripture that it talks about marriage, it’s talking about joining together as one. But marriage is more than that. If a man went into a prostitute, the Bible says he’d become one body with her, but that doesn’t mean he’s married to her. He would be sinning against this principle of marriage. He’d be sinning against his mate or future mate, and also against the design and definition of marriage. Marriage is a joining together in the fullest sense - in a sense of spirit to spirit, soul to soul, and body to body - especially for a believer. That’s why God says, "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (II Corinthians 6:14). In a Christian marriage, you have the potential of bringing Christ not only into the marriage but into the union of spirit to spirit, soul to soul, and body to body. That’s why it’s so powerful for Christian couples in this relationship. The Bible says that if I go out and join myself to a harlot, I actually join Christ to the harlot because I am a member of Christ’s body (II Corinthians 6:15). However, if I consider this same dynamic in a positive light—in my marriage relationship I’m bringing Christ, and inviting Christ, and joining Christ into my union and into my marriage. That potential is the strongest potential in the world!

Joining Involves a Covenant

Love is Not a Feeling

The Bible never teaches you to love only when you feel like loving. The problem is that we don’t feel like it often enough. The world isn’t full of love, is it? The Bible doesn’t say to feel like loving and then love. The Bible commands me to love and my feelings will follow. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church - that’s the commandment (Ephesians 5:25).

If I thought that love was just a feeling or an emotion I might say, "I want to be with you because I feel good when I’m with you." What if that was my only concept of love? It is a form of love, but it’s not the kind of love that God commands us to have. God says, "I’m telling you to love your enemies. Bless those that curse you, do good to those that hate you, pray for those that despitefully use you" (Matthew 5:44).

If I thought love was just a warm feeling I’d be saying, "God, do you mean I have to have a warm feeling of love and affection for somebody who slaps me in the face, persecutes me, hates me, and slanders me? That’s impossible." But the Bible didn’t say to love when you feel love.

For example, two singles want to be united in matrimony. We ask the man, "Do you solemnly promise and vow that you will love this woman, you’ll take her as your wife, cherish her and honor her?" And the man vows, "Yes, I do." Then she says her vows. So we pronounce them man and wife and they go on their way. Suppose a few years later, or maybe after only one year, they come back and they’re having problems in their marriage. She says, "He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t show me any affection or kindness. He just doesn’t love me." We ask him, "Is this true?" And he replies, "Yeah, that’s right." Why does this happen?

I used to think that if I taught my children enough Bible verses, when they got older they would "not depart from the Lord" and everything would be fine. Then one day I discovered that it wasn’t going to be some Bible verse that I made my son memorize that would carry him through life. It’s what he experiences in my home that he’s going to take out into his life. I know because what I experienced in my home is what I took out into my life.

If you come from a dysfunctional home and you’ve never seen love or you’ve never seen expressions of kindness and affection, if you never heard your father or mother ever say, "I love you" to each other, then it won’t matter if you come to marriage and vow to love your spouse for the rest of your life. If you’ve never seen your parents hug or kiss, or you never saw your father give a gift to your mother just because he wanted to, you have no concept of what I’m talking about. You have no concept at all about what I mean by love or how to be loving to someone. Even if you vow to do it, in just a matter of months your marriage will break down and start falling to pieces. You see, my son is going to take out of my home what he’s seen in my home, what he’s felt in my home and what he’s experienced in my home. If he never experienced it, then he can’t take it with him.

Second Ruling Principle in Marriage: Love

We’ve seen the principle of marriage that is a uniting together which first involves a covenant. This small-scale model of the relationship here on earth between a husband and wife is the same kind of relationship that is to be found eternally in the heavens. It’s a joining, an unfolding of a love for all eternity. And it’s a joining process of God’s covenant to be one with me forever. He says, "This is the covenant that I will make with you - your sin and iniquity I’ll remember no more. I’ll put myselfon the inside of you, I’ll be merciful to you in your unrighteousness, and your sin and iniquity I’ll remember no more. I’ll be your God and you will be My people. I swear to you, this is what I will do" (Hebrews 8:10, 12).

A covenant is a binding and solemn promise, agreement or vow. It’s binding because God is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19). I can violate all of these principles of oneness that God is trying to show me about Himself. I can violate them on earth but I’m talking about something that He is trying to get across to me in an eternal way. Marriage is a joining and a oneness that involves a covenant. It’s a covenant of love, because love is the ruling principle of this covenant. What’s the ruling principle of my covenant with this woman in marriage? It’s love. What is the ruling principle of her submission to me? It’s love. What’s the ruling principle of me providing for her, nourishing her, and cherishing her as my own body? It’s the principle of love.

The Bible says, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . This is a great mystery (the relationship of marriage): but I speak concerning Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:29,32). Have you ever thought about that? No man ever hated his own flesh. I used to think people who had poor self images and committed suicide hated their flesh, but the Bible says that no man ever hated his own flesh. He nourishes and cherishes it even as Christ cherished the church. Husbands are to love their wives in the same way. Do you know what that phrase, "nourished and cherished" means? Let’s say it’s getting chilly in the room you’re sitting in now. You’ll probably put a jacket on, and when you do you’ll nourish your body. You don’t just say, "I love being cold. I’m going to go outside and stand in the snow because it feels so good." In a few hours you are most likely going to nourish and cherish your body with a meal because it’s the natural thing to do. You’re not going to starve yourself. Do you know that’s the kind of love God called me to in my marriage relationship? I’ll be saying, "Are you cold, Honey? Here’s your coat. Do you need food? Here it is."

While it’s natural for me to nourish and cherish my body, it’s not natural for me to nourish and cherish my wife. Why? Because the principle of sin came into the first marriage. It didn’t come into the first church, it came into the first marriage. In Genesis 3, when sin entered into creation and into the marriage, all of a sudden what was natural was no longer natural. Why? Because the root of sin in my life caused me to go astray and turn to my own way. "All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way. . ." (Isaiah 53:6). So now I’m independent. Now I want to do things my way.

You see, it’s not natural to love. Someone might disagree, "I beg your pardon," they’ll say, "I want to be with her. I just want to be around her." Well, wait until they’ve been married for a little while, because there’s this principle of sin that causes independence in people; they want to go their own way and do their own thing. They don’t care if they hurt someone else. There’s some type of dysfunction in every family like this. Perhaps you never saw affection, or expressions of kindness and love in your home. There’s only one way to love with that kind of love because it’s not natural; it has to be learned. It’s going to have to come from God’s Word.

What is Love?

I John 5:3 says, "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. . ." II John 6 says, "And this is love, that we walk after his commandments. . ." If I were to ask someone to describe love he might say, "Love is a warm feeling, it’s tender affection, it gives me goose bumps." But God says, "Brothers and Sisters, this is love. You live and you walk in My principles and My commandments." Then you have to learn the principles. Romans 13 says those principles of love will never harm anyone: "Love does no wrong to anyone. Therefore love is a fulfilling of the law" (Romans 13:10). When you walk in God’s principles, you’ll be walking in love. Love is kind - that means generous, that means giving, that means being unselfish, that means seeking the best for someone else. God says, "This is love. Walk after these principles."

Someone might say, "I’ve never seen it in my home. I don’t know what God’s talking about." Well, I’ll show it to you right here. Matthew 7:12 says, "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them . . . ." Here it is in written form. When Jesus said, "It is written," in the Greek it meant, "Say it again." God is telling us, "I’m saying it to you again. And this is what I’m saying, "Whatever you want someone to do for you, that’s what you do for them."

Why can’t we love? Because we’re caught in this principle of sin, and this principle of sin is selfish. If someone sitting there says, "They don’t love me. If they love me why don’t they come over here and visit me? Don’t they know I’m hurting? Why don’t they come over here and pray for me? They’re a bunch of hypocrites down at that church. Why don’t they do something? Don’t they know I’m hurting? I’m hurting so bad, why doesn’t anybody care?"

What has God said? God said, That is the way it works. He says get up out of your pity party and think about what you would want done to you, and then put it into action. Would you want someone to be kind to you? Would you want someone to give a gift to you? Would you want someone to be loving and say kind words to you - not jokes that put you down, but words like, "This is what I like about you"?

Put those principles into action, and do you know what will happen? The love you’ve been desiring will be generated in those people you’ve been ministering to, and it will come back to you in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over (Luke 6:38). To have friends, you have to be friendly (Proverbs 18:24). To have love, you have to give love. God so loved He gave (John 3:16). Love is a verb. Love is an action word. Love can only be seen by what it does, not by the words that are said. I John 3:18 says, ". . . let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth." It’s good to say that I love you. But if I say, "I love you" yet do things opposite of love in deed, then I’m lying. Love is an action, it has to be seen. There never comes a time in my marriage when I say to my son, "Stephen, you’re 16 years old now, and I want you to know that I love your mother, Wendy." He already knows I love his mother because love is an action. It’s the example he sees in our home.

Love Can be Taught

Titus 2:4-5 (NIV) says, "Then they can train (or teach) the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind . . ." This says that love is not a feeling, but it’s a principle to be taught by the older women to the younger women in the church. Love is something that’s taught.

Even though you’ve been given these principles, do you know what it’s going to take to be able to walk in them? It’s going to take getting down on your knees and saying, "Hey God, I can’t do it in my own strength or ability." It goes against the grain of my flesh to honor someone else above myself. It goes against the grain of my flesh to give to another person rather than meeting my own selfish needs. It takes God, who is the source of love, the author of love, and the One who’s saying, "Brothers, I wrote it down because I wanted to show you that if you’re walking in these principles you’re on the right path. Keep looking to Me; I’ll give you divine ideas. I’ll give you creative ideas on how to love others, how to be in love, and how to stay in love, even when you don’t feel like it."

Jesus didn’t feel like it when He went to the cross. He said, "God, I don’t want to do this. Nevertheless not my will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22:42). Romans 5:8 (NIV) says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He demonstrated love. The love that He demonstrated in going to the cross even went against His feelings. He didn’t feel like it, but He chose to operate in the principles of divine love that God gave in the scriptures. He gave Himself without feeling like it, and as He gave, many of us have given back to Him the feeling of love and appreciation. We generated that love back to Christ when He took a step to love us without feelings.

It can happen in your marriage, too. You can rekindle the flame of love. It can happen in your friendships. It can happen in your job situation. It can happen if you make it your goal. You should make operating in the principles of divine love the most important thing in your life. The next time you come to a decision, just stop and think, "Am I making this decision based on selfishness and what I want, or am I considering others in this decision?" As you continue loving this way, you’ll find that the love you’ve been desiring will be multiplied back to you. Your life will become a demonstration of God’s love to the world, and your marriage relationship a fulfillment of God’s mystery revealed, an expression of His love for us and ours for Him.

Here are some questions to think about for this lesson

Level 2 Lesson 12 Questions
GOD'S KIND OF LOVE I

According to I John 3:18, how must we practice love?
What is God’s love summed up in? (I John 5:3)
Explain how the commandments in Romans 13:9-10 are summed up in love.
How can we love our enemies, even when we don’t feel like it? (Romans 12:19-21)
How does Titus 2:4 show us that love can be taught and is not just a feeling?
Describe the principles of I Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him." (Living Bible).
How could these characteristics be put to practice in your life?

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